I changed with fear to Hurt to MaD to Angry! And did it matter?
(Some of my story by Sharon Dorsey)
When I was told I had a large Brain Tumor and I needed two surgeries to attempt to get all of it out all I could think about were my kids only. How would they survive without me? Who would take care of them better than me? Would they be okay without me? I wasn’t even thinking about myself nor how I feel about having this. All about my kids wellbeing “A Mother’s Fear”! 
Then it happened.
The insurance person ( no name and yes I wished “Karma’ on him, didn’t file my papers from what I was told so the short term disability, hospital stay insurance etc. etc. claims that I thought I had that would take care of me and my kids they denied me. I showed my claims and the liar stop returning my calls and his bosses were no help. I was left with no help and then my surgeon asked me questions and did as much as he could even waived a lot of his fee. A Blessing! Of Course the ones assisting him didn’t.
While homeless with my kids staying in a hotel I went through my two surgeries while taking care of my kids alone. I learned a lot during this time. I use to wonder why I would see shows, videos and pics of people with serious illness and they looked defeated and broken. (This is only my thought). I would go out for help for me and my kids and notice how I wasn’t getting a lot of the help I would see many getting or those that claim they helped people like myself who had become permanently disabled. My problem was I was smiling all the time and wearing my beautiful wigs, makeup and nice clothes (yes homeless people owned things before they lost things). And I get it I was treated like she can’t be that sick she is too happy. Well first off I am a master of disguises I was always taught don’t take you home life to work and now I can’t turn it off. A curse! Seems if I act and looked more wounded I get more help.
Over the pass 7 plus years I have dealt with this, still fighting my disability. I get $382 a month to take care of myself and my (now one) kid (then it was 3). Still fighting the losing battle that one day I will win of them claiming my kids will get $250 a month as long as I am disabled, hasn’t happened yet.  I even decided to move back to my home state because it’s cheaper to live there than taken another year of sorry help where I was. Surprisingly here has become worst for those that need the help compared to those full of crap. After choosing to uproot and stay with a (lying) person who had an agenda for me I wasn’t willing to do it became a verbal to him throwing something at me and threatening me in from of my son. THAT”S A NO NO! I don’t play nice when life is threatened so I packed us up and move to a hotel. Now understand I had a counselor that I told and yes told Social Service and yes called Domestic Violence (but they was full with nowhere for us to go. Running out of money depressed and here it comes I am rushed to the hospital, I had an n anxiety attack. I asked to speak to a social worker and she tells me she has to inform Social Services I said fine I not scared I am a great mom who is going through something. A worker comes tells me I have to go to a hotel of their choice, yes its one with drug users/ dealers, prostitutes and other folks having it hard and this place is out of my son’s school zone instead of just helping me where I was. I am alerted to try and change his school and get on my feet or the day time workers will mess me over. I took their advice but WOW the help out there isn’t. I called and email from the community help, social services, nonprofits, churches, associations and government (head of dss,human services, mayor office, senator office, governor, president , news, radio social media etc. etc.) with no help. Then begging a few people I knew I got a little help. (Answer to your question: If I had good family I wouldn’t be going through this by myself yes they know and has NEVER reach out to help me even when I was a kid , no I wasn’t a bad kid it’s just how my blood relatives have always been . Now understand it took the worker 17 days to even show up and when she did she let it be known that she is there for my son, which means family don’t matter. She was pushing to put my son in foster care instead of assisting us. So yes I let her know what my stand and my son’s stand on it was. I told her I am a great mother who by my disability have not been able to work , social services taking forever to approve me and other places that claim to help not “I AM NOT PUTTING HIM IN FOSTERCARE AND YOU AREN’T NEITHER BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO GROUNDS!”  And I let her know he has told me if you do it he will run away (my son isn’t a street kid he wouldn’t make it). She asks him and he looks at her and said no I don’t want to go. Now when I tell her what I need she said she will go back to talk with her supervisor, that took 2 weeks of her never returning my calls. And still on her wanting to take my son to a foster home. So again I started calling and emailing heads with this information, sad how when she finally contacts me she tells me I was passed on to Family Preservation. You get the name? Have I gotten any help after it took them 2 more weeks to call me the answer in NO. And this one has ask “what will happen to you and your son if we can’t help you? I told her we will be living really on the street with nowhere to go. ( oh just to say the reason I put us in a cheap hotel is because I was told I can come to some of the shelters but my son being 13 yrs. old can’t. Some even said if you leave him you can come ,others said for me to put him in a men shelter alone and yes I told them to ‘kiss where the sun don’t shine and said he is a kid and my baby and hung up. That supposed to be Family Preservation worker called back, yes to not help I think to just find out if I am still at the hotel claim to call me back and that was 3 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from her. And no I am not answering her calls because I see they looking to break up a good family not preserve it.
Back to the journey: I have kept every letter and emailed of response from the ones that would I guess just as a reminder.
This is when I started to become madder. And no I’m not hating it’s just my pain talking. I would see all this breast cancer that breast cancer this and all the talk shows , sports, news, radio etc. supporting talking about it and helping so many. And then one day , yes I went there, I said Oh my God I am so tired of this ,there are many other cancers in the world that are not getting notice and hmmm maybe it’s just me but I can do without a TaTa but I need my brain!!!!! Why are they more important than any other? Yes this is still on my mind. Just how I feel, like my father died from Prostate Cancer is the awareness equal NOT! Not only that the help that’s out there for brain tumors is so small for adults than it is for any other. The government takes better care of drug addicts than us. They get disability, medical care and trip to the methadone clinics. Hmmmmm. Feeling the world is twisted.
Now I am still homeless begging just to keep a roof over my son’s head. I have stopped going to the doctor, this new one is a sad case. Been off my meds for a while so many times I am in bed if I don’t drag myself out to do things I must for my son. I have been sick since he has been 5 yrs. old and now he is 13 yrs. old and I can see his anger. It’s not toward me he is so made that we are not getting the help he feels we deserves. And it’s so easy for people to keep saying pray or it’s going to be alright when he doesn’t see it. Do people get kids need to see words being said over and over doesn’t work for them. 
The struggle continues………